Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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