which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
