His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
