Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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