So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
