I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
