i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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