I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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