Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize