i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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