he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
