Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
