My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
