I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
