Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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