I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
