Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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