Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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