remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize