It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
