i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
