go do what you do best...puke behind churches
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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