Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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