i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
