Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
