So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
