her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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