well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
