Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize