I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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