i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
