And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
