if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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