it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize