I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
