im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
