Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
