I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
