btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
