Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
