I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
