i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
