he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
