so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
