i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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