I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
