True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize