Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
