Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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