yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
