can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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