Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
