Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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