I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
