so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
