so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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