Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
