hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
