ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
