I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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