Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
