man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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