Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
