Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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