My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
barbara walters just said penis...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
