I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
