How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
