eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
