I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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Do I have a choice?
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
